Ah, kitchen… we meet again. As much as I love eating, reading recipe books and watching MasterChef, the patience one needs to cook evades me. Up until now. I’d like to think I’m getting better. Maybe it’s age, maybe it was a just a slow Saturday. We’d never know.
This isn’t so much of a cooking recipe but more of an assembling one. If I can put this together, happily ace it and watch my biggest critic (See: D.R.R. TrollKill) pass out momentarily with glee…anyone can do it. And I mean ANYONE.
What I love about this brilliant recipe is how insanely easy it really is. It’s simple enough for kids to make too. Since it requires bare essentials when it comes to utensils or appliances, even young adults and college kids staying by themselves can give it a shot.
Not sure what got into me but for the first time ever, I decided to make something sweet for Christmas. It was 2016, what’s the worse that could happen. One of the main reasons I fail miserably at most of my kitchen escapades is, in the words of a wise man, I don’t follow the recipe.
You see scrolling through countless recipes on Pinterest makes me giddy and delusional. I start to think I’m invincible in the kitchen, begin throwing in extra crap that has no business to be in the dish and try all sorts of tricks to finish the process as fast as I can.
Think Bridget Jones’ blue string soup minus the cute Colin Firth flirtation process that follows. My own Mr Firth rarely finds my cooking funny… I guess it was cute the first 100 times but the poor guy can’t pretend anymore.
So this time, surprisingly, I was calm AF. I found one easy peasy recipe, converted ounces into grams, researched by products, made a list on my phone and marched out the door to buy me some things. I was back soon since this genius recipe needs only THREE ingredients.
What followed was a calming, almost therapeutic process of assembly. A solo warrior against the odds of kitchen (bad)luck, I quietly and steady did what the recipe told me. I also tried not to read into the worried look on Ma’s face who’d come in once in a while to check if I was blowing the house down. Long story short, I bloody nailed it.
Here’s how it went down
400 grams or 3 packs of 150 gms of Vanilla Creme Oreos
225 grams or 2 packs of 180 gms of Britannia Cream Cheese
1 giant bar of Cadbury Silk (buy extra to eat while you wait)
2-3 tbsp of Cooking oil (used Safola)
1 small bar of MilkyBar (buy extra to eat while you wait)
2 pinches of Cinnamon powder
1. Approximately measure out the Oreos according to the weight on the packet. If you have a kitchen scale, use the damn thing. I bought three regular 150 gram packs and used two full packs and half of the third pack. Break them by hand into pieces, dump them into the mixer grinder/food processor and hit the button. Make sure there are no pieces.
If you don’t have one, break them into pieces by hand and put them in a zip lock. Take a balen or wooden spatula and beat away. Don’t go too crazy or you might split the bag (been there, done that). Do this in batches, it’s faster.
2. Once you have your Oreo mud ready, scoop out one full pack of Britannia Cream Cheese + one big spoonful from the second pack. I don’t have a kitchen scale so I approximated. But if you have a kitchen scale, use it and measure out 225 gms.
3. Take a wooden spoon and try to mix it well. Once you realise the spoon isn’t that effective, get in there with your hands and mix it up. You don’t have to knead it or anything, just make sure the cream cheese and the Oreo mud are mixed well into a nice soft dough.
4. Make medium sized balls out of this mixture and place on a baking sheet in a plate or simply buttered plate. You will make about 28-30 such balls if you follow the measurements. Shove them in the fridge and go watch an hour long episode of Westworld.
5. After you’ve been blown away by the episode, drag your feet into the kitchen and take out that giant bar of chocolate. Break it into small pieces, put it in a microwave safe bowl, add a swirly line (1-2 tbsp) of cooking oil.
6. Now zap it in the microwave for 15 seconds. Remove and stir with wooden spoon. Continue this process until all the chocolate has melted like a shiny smooth ganache.
7. Turn off the fan and take your melted Cadbury silk to your assembly spot. Try not to drool. Bring out the now frozen Oreo balls and a nice spoon. One by one, dunk each Oreo ball into the bowl of melted Silk and make sure it’s nicely coated. Put it back on the baking sheet and into the fridge.
8. Time for the toppings. Bring out the almonds and dump them into the grinder. Blitz away till it’s powdery. Then, look through your stuff and find that hidden dabba of cinnamon powder. Finally, melt a small MilkyBar in the microwave with a few drops of oil, just like we melted the Cadbury Silk.
9. Once the toppings are ready (it should take you 10-15 minutes to leisurely do that), take the chocolate coated Oreo balls out of the refrigerator and decorate away. Sprinkle almond dust on some, cinnamon dust on others and drizzle lines of milk chocolate on a few. Pop them back into the fridge.
10. Leave them in for 30-45 minutes to set. And you’re done.
Update Jan 7, 2017: Of the three toppings, cinnamon is the best of the lot. Elevates the whole thing…