Blank Pages

There are hardly any ‘things’ that I’m attached too. Expensive material objects never really held my fancy for long. Their novelty would wear off right after I paid for it.

But I cannot deny the emotional attachment that I feel for books. I can’t bear the slightest pinch on edge of a page. I run my hand over the cover as if it were the tender soft skin of a baby. I am not an avid reader, just an intense one. My haven—- libraries, Crosswords, road side bookstalls or even just a book shelf. I can stare at them forever.I take refugee amidst their silence. Maybe ‘cause an open book epitomizes honesty.

Yesterday I went to Crosswords to buy a book. Although I didn’t find what I looking for, I did stumble upon a spectacular piece of art. I’m truly dazed at the intensity of my fascination with a plain 5-subject ruled book. But the micro-minute that I laid my eyes on that notebook I knew I had to have it. It was one of those things that just felt ‘right’, you know.

It’s a vision, I tell you. Its black and dull gold (two of my favorite colors). I didn’t really think much of the picture on the cover then. I loved the fact that it looked like a traditional Indian painting. I realized when I got home, that it was in fact a portrait of Lord Krishna playing the flute. The pages inside are so clean, so vacant. I can hardly bring myself to blot its splendor with ink. Open out any page, and you’ll be greeted with the delicate scent of newness.

The book, only a day old, sits my lap now. I tried writing on the smooth pages, in my best handwriting. But I felt too guilty and tore the pages. I don’t know what to do with it. Yes, its purpose is to be ‘written in’. I know that. But…I can’t. Writing in it feels like I am demolishing a piece of fine art. I feel the book deserves to hold some worthy matter. Anything that I’d write in it isn’t good enough; it would ruin it. Weird, how many complex emotions a blank book can trigger.

If I don’t use it, will I be slaughtering the purpose of its existence? Or will I be saving it by keeping it untarnished?

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