I didn’t feel it in the beginning. I thought maybe there is a remote chance that i was hasty.May be the thousand million second chances I gave him weren’t enough…I should have given him one more.
How I am glad that I didn’t!
I am stupid that way.I have many bad habits that get me in trouble like thinking with my heart and not listening to people who really care. But the worst of it is this never ceasing almost reflexive habit of trying to see things through rose-tinted glasses. This will sound weird by I can lie to myself so convincingly that eventually i begin to believe that its true. And I won’t listen otherwise from anyone who tries to knock some brains into me.
I am Aditi G and I am an escapist.A foolish moron who thinks everybody is nice. A bird-brain who will trust even my own murderer after he has attempted to kill me over and over again.All he has to do is be polite and bang he is on my favorite persons list.
I wish i wasn’t so blind. I am not bitter nor am i agitated.I am just disappointed in myself.For being such an idiot. I should have known better. It was right there all along, right in front of me. And still I CHOSE not to see it. I think i was just afraid. I feared my fairy tale wouldn’t have ‘a happily ever after’ . I feared that it would compel me to wake up.I didn’t want to wake up.I was never an early riser.But like they say, better late than never.
I eventually opened my eyes to reality and found there’s no knight in shining armor. I found no magic . I found castles alright but in the air.
And I didn’t find a prince charming but a jester.That’s when i vowed to myself a great many things.
Here they are, my promises to me
1) No more dreams. They don’t get you anywhere. They just make the injury of reality sting that much more.
2 ) Do not hurry in trusting people . Give them a year or two and then decide if they are worth opening your heart too.
3) I am my first priority. I am done thinking of others and getting hurt in the bargain.I am not here to please anyone.
4) Stop being afraid of opening my eyes and seeing life as it is. I have to stop garnishing reality. Broccoli is broccoli even if you have with caviar and honey.
5) I have to be strong no matter what. No one can break me .
6)Do not sacrifice yourself for anyone who is not worth it. My family , my friends , my life is more important. Others peoples insecurities are not my problem.
You know one day something happened and… everything finally made sense…
All the warning bells that I refused to hear ’cause i was too consumed in my make-believe world …i finally heard them loud and clear.
That was the moment i decided to call it quits. Almost 2weeks since, he just keeps proving my decision right.All that he has done since has opened my eyes.
The blindfolds are off. Hallelujah!
I am not mad at him. I was just sick of being a baby sitter. Tried of being someone else just to make him happy. Bored with his hypocrisy and disgusted with his cowardliness.
I am not saying he is a bad human being.I am no one to judge.
He is,was and never will be the right one for me.
I will never make this mistake again. I will never let anyone cage me again.